If I could write the shortest article about cynicism, I would simply write: “Do not be a cynic!” full stop. But there are more levels and complexities to this mindset. Some people are cynical in their personal lives, and some are total cynics in their professional lives. Some can be both. And sometimes it is even useful to be a bit cynical.

I was a cynical person for a long time especially during my time at Sony. (Apologies for my colleagues from back then) So, most of what I write will be coming from personal experience as well as what I observed with people around me but especially from my recent experiences as a design leader and a manager.

But today, I will focus on showing you why being cynical all the time hurts you as a person, a professional, in your relationships and damages your own self confidence. Plus, how being an occasional cynic might be a useful practice.

In hindsight, I can see that the things that made me a cynic were mostly what I perceived as my failure to fix what I saw around me. There are a ton of reasons to see the world as an unfixable place. I agree with almost all of them. Wars, famine, droughts, climate change, racism. You name it.

You will hear a cynic say always and never a lot when talking about others.

What is a cynic?

Being a cynic means that you can only trust your own intentions and are always skeptical of other’s intentions. In extreme cases, a cynic would believe that everyone around them act in a way that is only and only self-serving and even with hidden plans for the demise of others. In hostile situations, this character trait or attitude might prove to be invaluable, maybe in active combat or if you were a knight in Middle Ages. In a contemporary setting, trusting others is an expectation that society exceedingly sets up as a pre-condition for healthy collaborations. Due to the lack of trust in other’s good intentions, a cynic might end up doing a ton of double work and they will find themselves cleaning up after others, time after time.

Avery common trait for a cynic is to be using the words “always” and “never” when talking about people and teams. A cynic changing their mind about individuals is hard but doing the same for groups of people and especially organizations is usually very difficult. A common trap which makes a person spiral down in relationships at work is assuming a certain negative behavior from cohorts of people or individuals. The cynic might feel a certain satisfaction when “those people” do the thing that they have “always” done once more.

There can be many examples of this… Such as a designer expecting an engineer to “destroy” creative work or a beautiful detail when they propose changes. This is a typical example any designer can experience as a cynical mindset from time to time, but the consistency of this thought pattern is what sets the cynic apart.

If the hypocrite gets a cookie for every empty promise, the cynic just gets more cynical.

Although, the cynic is not always to blame. The fuel that catalyzes the cynicism is usually coming from hypocrisy within an organization. It can also be due to the unrealistic projections of bandwidth. When many promises are made and few are kept, a whole team or sometimes a company can become an army of cynics. I have experienced this state of indifference many times in companies I worked at but also at some clients. They say that culture is the culmination of what gets rewarded and what gets punished. If the hypocrite gets a cookie for every empty promise, the cynic just gets more cynical.

As I said, I used to be an incurable cynical designer. Or so I thought. I got better by listening better. Designing — as we were often told — is a creative process that requires creative freedom. We were told, “Anyone that threatens this freedom is against creativity.” Product managers that promise artistic space but dictate their own vision, engineers who accept a solution only to ignore it behind our backs and even our managers who promise unending support but retreat quickly when arguments emerge. All of which create cynics and grow the cynical thoughts already existing in each of us.

When is being cynical useful?

Almost never. But in very rare cases, if you find yourself bonding better with some team members, acting a tad cynical might give create a more open atmosphere. For example being cynical about the client is almost a sport in almost all agencies. Sometimes you can switch on the inner cynic as a tool, if you want to get candid feedback about your department or your company. One simple way to have people air out their cynicism in an healthy way is meme-roasting.

What you can do

Being a cynic is tiring. Assuming the worst from people is already an energy consuming activity. Moreover, broadcasting this attitude constantly chips away from everyone’s energy. “Let’s see what kind of torture the legal team will come up this week?” is exactly the kind of phrase that creates destructive and contagious cynicism. Here is what you can do:

Start new dialogues — actively listen

Next time you are feeling cynical at the face of adversity, remember to listen better and try to understand people’s motivations a bit better. There are often things that they can tell you and things that they can’t. If you establish a good rapport with the people working closely with you, they might just share their motivations with you wholeheartedly.

Lead by example

And if you are a manager, know that your team will follow your lead and become cynical. They can read even the most subtle non-verbal cues from your behaviors and become cynical themselves. Reversing this process will be hard for them and even harder for you. You will have to actively check yourself in every reaction and talk against subtle cues. Your worst enemy will be bashing another team with a lot of expletives, always and nevers. Also, try to discourage your team members from talking about others in your 1–1 talks. Encourage them to talk to those same people instead.

Learn to give and take feedback

There are tons of resources out there for us to learn how to give feedback (hint: it should be timely and caring) and it is a good idea to learn this invaluable skill. If feedback is a gift, learning — especially — to take feedback is a gift that keeps on giving. Remember, no one can read your mind or intentions. Your words and your tone are the only thing people hear.

Avoid “always” and “never”

Try to avoid destructive generalizations that start with always and never. These two words become toxic especially when coupled with “they”. Try your best to avoid assuming that “they” will once again behave the same. Learn to know the individuals within groups or cohorts beyond their affiliations. Who knows? You might find your cynical tendencies subdued over time.